How to support children with pet loss
We spoke to Steve Guy, a counsellor who helps people come to terms with grief in their life and asked him the best way to deal with the loss of a pet, especially when talking to children.
Should I talk to my children about their pet dying, and how can I have this conversation?
Yes, you should, for many children (and adults), animals are not just pets but part of the family and maybe even best friends. Sadly, owning a pet also has the side where they are lost through illness, old age or other issues.
No matter what it is, the loss can be heartbreaking for a child. Children are best supported with news about their pet dying, by preparing them and letting them know what to expect.
Just like adults it allows them time to deal with the pending loss and unnecessary feelings of distress which can occur later because the matter has been hidden away.
For children, the death of a pet may be their first encounter with loss. It’s important to help them cope in a supportive, appropriate way. This can also prepare them for future losses.
It can be really difficult to talk to a child about death and dying so it’s useful to find a place where they feel safe, and you won’t be disturbed so you can communicate on a one to one basis. Be honest with the young person but also gauge what material the child can deal with, this will depend on the individual child because of their age, maturity and previous experiences; and if the pet is dying, consider talking to them before the pet dies.
How can I help prepare my child for the death of a pet?
There are many ways to do this, but as long as the child is not too young, its best to be honest about what’s happening.
There are lots of good books and videos on YouTube which explain this but I tend to find using metaphors help the child understand better so comparing death and dying it to the growth and death of a flower in the garden or the changing seasons, for instance, helps but doing so that does not step away from talking about death and dying.
If a pet is dying though and you want to prepare a child for what is, and will take place, especially if their pet is to be euthanised you can introduce the following topics into the conversation: explain how their pet will never recover, that it is a kindness for their pet so that they don’t suffer anymore with the pain or discomfort, that their pet will not be scared anymore and will die in peace and that everything has been done by the vets and everyone else associated with them.
At some before the vet prepares to euthanise a pet, a child may wish to say goodbye to them. You might also offer some time for a child to say goodbye to their pet but again this will depend on the maturity, age and experiences of the child.
Should my children be present for the euthanasia of their pet?
The approach depends on your child’s age, maturity, and experiences. For some, it’s a chance to say a final goodbye. If so, explain the process to help them feel less scared or surprised when the vet puts the pet to sleep.
Some children may experience more distress in the future if they’re involved in the process. The impact depends on their age, maturity, and experiences.
How can I help support my child after the death of a pet?
Grief often follows loss, and your child may experience emotional, physical, behavioral, or psychological changes. This response is natural and normal. Don’t dismiss their grief or try to make it go away quickly; allow them to process the loss.
Everyone reacts to grief differently and the process of dealing with it has a different time span which is as individual as the person concerned.
After the death of a pet, a child needs support to cope with their emotions. Actively listen to their feelings and be patient, as it’s a process to work through. If their behavior changes, contact their school to address any potential impact on others and how people may perceive the change.
You can also make a memory box or scrapbook about their pet which helps process the grief itself, as well as write or draw about their pet. The most important thing is to engage with the grief.
What you shouldn’t do is just replace the pet as if it were an inanimate object as this will dismiss the importance of the child’s pet and the feelings they had for it and are facing now.
I’m concerned about my child’s emotional wellbeing after their pet passes away. Who can I reach out to for support?
If your child is finding it difficult to deal with the loss of their pet and the best thing to do is seek professional help and someone who can support them with their emotional well-being, as well as help then move through the grieving process.
You can find a therapist through Dignipets to support your child, but if you look for a therapist elsewhere check that they have some experience of supporting young people and bereavement work, and preferably bereavement work regarding pets.
You can also approach your child’s school and ask to speak with the school counsellor if one is available.
If you feel that you need more support in helping your family to reach out; support is out there.
The Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Support Line is open for children as well as adults, and there are other counselling services out there too.
Did your pet pass away very suddenly? Please read here tips on how to support them best.
Also we created an information article about supportive literature please click here.
Dignipets is a mobile veterinary practice that focuses on palliative and end of life care in the Midlands.
Our vets ensure the best home visits for your pet, allowing you to focus on loving your pet with your child.
We also provide online visits with our team to help you prepare a peaceful visit for your pet surrounded by their family.
We also have a Dignipets Pet Loss Support Network where pet carers can support each other and hear about our Pet Memorial walks in their area.
Feel free to contact us on 0333 320 8731 for more information or email us on info@dignipets.co.uk
